Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have aggressive nipples.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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