My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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