just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
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