If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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