We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
