Already got asked if we're dating
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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