fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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