One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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