OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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