I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
