Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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