That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The adults are the big ones right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
