Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
