I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
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he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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