Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
