Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
