I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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