i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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