my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
