you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
