Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
