From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
