Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?