i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.