Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.