come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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