i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic