so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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