So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think I just sharted jello shots
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