Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the condom got lost in my hair
zippers are such a cool invention
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize