Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
