So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
