I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There's even glitter on my cock...
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