Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
