That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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