Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
