she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
