I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
