He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They have beer where we have blood.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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