I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
