Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
