i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
