You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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