so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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