In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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