Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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