Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
