I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
