therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
