if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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