Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
