Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
love makes seman taste better
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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