I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
