what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
