Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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