Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
