Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
