sorry about calling you the devil all night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
