Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
