so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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