How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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