this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
