Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
