Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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