My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
