i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
