Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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