New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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