I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
