I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Houston, we have a squirter
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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