We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
