Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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